Bossypants Quotes

“That night's show was watched by ten million people, so I guess that director at The Second City who said the audience "didn't want to see a sketch with two women" can go shit in his hat.”

“That night's show was watched by ten million people, so I guess that director at The Second City who said the audience "didn't want to see a sketch with two women" can go shit in his hat.”

“Do your thing and don't care if they like it.”

“As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no. “No, we can’t do that.” “No, that’s not in the budget.” “No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar.” What kind of way is that to live?”

“It's one thing to be a wisecracking precocious teen hanging out with twenty-seven year olds.It's another thing to get in the way of a grown man trying to get laid.”

“I have a strong urge to lie down and pretend this is not happening—like the old couple in Titanic.”

“Almost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them. ...It was mostly men yelling shit from cars. Are they a patrol sent out to let girls know they've crossed into puberty? If so, it's working.”

“(Don Fey had a large rubber stamp that said "bullshit," which was and is awesome.)”

“I find, the fancier the fashion magazine is, the worse the Photoshop. It’s as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can’t stop erasing human features.”

“5) The Eyes Are the Windows to Where the Soul Is Supposed to Be”

“(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)”