Canning Quotes

“I can prove anything by statistics except the truth.”

“Indecision and delays are the parents of failure.”

“We are racing down Main Street. Arthur is right on the tail of a blck sedan with tinted windows that won't pull over. He slams the horn."Arthur," I say.The car doesn't yield."Arthur," I say.He hits the horn again, still close on the car's bummper."Arthur, our turn was back there.”

“I never believe facts Canning said nothing was so fallacious as facts except figures.”

“Oh don't tell me of facts - I never believe in facts you know Canning said nothing was so fallacious as facts except figures.”

“I cadged a complimentary green matchbook with a gold bird icon from the Bell canning jar. Later we'd use the matches to light our spliffs. My fingertips tapped the stem to the gizmo that dinged a bell. Nobody came out. Wrong signal, so I did two bell rings. No response prompted me to tap out a series of bell rings.”

“Your like Martha Stewart on crack,” my neighbor shouted as I stuck another cardinal in with the daisies.”

“It was obvious that the woman was trying to turn over a new leaf, so we bought all her bowls. I got a gigantic stoneware one with a flat bottom, like you’d use if you were making bread for the whole army, and I knew I would have to change my whole life to have a use for this bowl.”

“I closed the door. Other people got husbands and children”