“A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce I think I'm about a hundred thousand dollars short.”

“I didn't want to be short. I've tried to pretend that being a short guy didn't matter. I tried to make up for being short by affecting a strut, by adopting the voice of a much bigger man, by spending more money than I made, by tipping double or triple at bars and restaurants, by dating tall, beautiful women.”

“I tried to make up for being 5 ft. 3 in. by affecting a strut and adopting the voice of a much bigger man... dating tall, beautiful women... But nothing I could do, after Ava had left me, would add a single inch to my height.”

“I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern.”

“There are people who think they know everything about everything. What they don't know is that every moment is a learning moment.”

“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.”

“You always pass failure on your way to success.”

“You always pass failure on the way to success.”

“A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce I think I'm about a hundred thousand dollars short.”