“...an ambitious array of dishonorable intentions that he intended to wield upon the Countess’s nether regions. — BATS 2015”

“She could feel something unnatural following her every movement as she washed her bountiful Huzza and Wahzoozie" — BATS”

“Do it for the kids! The ones who look up to you — especially when they are pleading for their lives." — Bats 2015”

“Gentle With Them Thar Spurs'—a sequel to 'Riders of the Purple Sau-Sage.' Spurs was the feminist novel of its day…which was Tuesday." —Bats 2015”

“He sniffed until the long hairs of his mustache had been sucked up into his nose and out of his leafy ears." — Bats 2015”

“Elizabeth served herself to Vlad upon the Lazy Susan (Susan wasn’t lazy. She was actually dead." — Bats 2015”

“I was afraid that your buns were blown all the way to the Bardot Museum in Paris, where they put them on display, and then….” Mina said, “Were they displayed like this?" —Bats 2015”

“Vlad was sexting Elizabeth a picture of his pulă rigiditate, while he told Mina. “I vould like totally hang up on the dude. He’s no Baldwin." — Bats 2015”

“Elizabeth poured the brewskilicious foam over her aforementioned bodalicious huzza-huzzas and Wahwahzoozie." — Bats 2015”

“Purrrrrrrr” Elizabeth kneaded Vlad's pecs. “I hear a Kitty!” Vlad’s eyes sprung open. There was a moment of hurt, of sad. There was no kitty. “You’re teasing me!" — Bats”

“Depart, Satan,' she said, with a complete lack of enthusiasm. — Bats 2015”