“Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be.”

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

“You scoundrel, you have wronged me," hissed the philosopher, "May you live forever!”

“To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.”

“Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

“Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.”

“Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.”

“Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”

“When you doubt, abstain.”

“Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”