“Dad got furious when we lied to him. No, Dad got furious then we lied to him.”

“Ignorance is bliss. Wisdom is blisters.”

“With good morality first candidates you'll get bad candor, bad ethics, bad loyalty and bad morality - lastly bad odor will surface to save the day if you maintain good optimism like I do.”

“Our archaeological ancestry lost hair while growing sweat glands to reduce panting in the hot African sun. One outcome evolved the origin of our speech. Another conquered our ability to shut the hell up and listen. Now? Politicians grunting "On the Origin of Speeches" past one another.”

“Spare the rod and spoil the Memorial Day rotisserie.”

“He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword ... unless he's a general.”

“He who laughs last laughs ... doesn't get it.”

“Nostalgia was never what it used to be.”

“I'm nostalgic for a better tomorrow.”

“I can't answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn't fit unless we saw the same shrink.”

“If sensing so badly of yourself you also sense a need to make me sense that, then I sense sadly that you cannot make better sense … sadder still if you cannot sense my sincerity.”