“Dad?" Jesus said."Yes son. What is it?" God replied."Why have you left the stars turned on. It's night time," Jesus asked."It's so that people can find their way home," God said."What do you mean?" Jesus asked his dad."Well" God started to say, "sometimes a person loses their way in life and when that happens all they have to do is look up at the stars and then they will find their way back home to me.""But, what about if it's daytime and there are no stars?" Jesus now asked."Then, I will send them a rainbow to show them the way," God told his son.”

“Spermicide' sort of rhymes with 'pesticide', yet you wouldn't put a load of DDT in you know where to kill you know what, now would you?”

“A rumbling volcano is like a pimple.You know that they're both going to explode,but you just don't know when.”

“Politicians will always be honest.To themselves!”

“It's okay to remember, but it's also okay to forget too.”

“Life is a prison in which we find ourselves.”

“In the end it was worth it.”

“When you run with the bulls,it's no use walking.”

“When we run away from something. We're usually running away from ourselves.”

“Drink from the cup of life, you will be fulfilled.Yet...drink from the milk container in the fridge,and your wife will make you wish that you had drunk from the cup of life.”

“Meetings! Meetings! Meetings!Do they ever achieve anything or do they just let a lot of hot air out of an already over inflated balloon?”