“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? ”

“I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?”

“Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.”

“I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.”

“The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.”

“Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.”

“I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.”

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.”

“You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.”

“Confronted by an absolutely infuriating review it is sometimes helpful for the victim to do a little personal research on the critic. Is there any truth to the rumor that he had no formal education beyond the age of eleven? In any event is he able to construct a simple English sentence? Do his participles dangle? When moved to lyricism does he write "I had a fun time"? Was he ever arrested for burglary? I don't know that you will prove anything this way but it is perfectly harmless and quite soothing.”

“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.”