“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.”
Jay Leno“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”
Jay Leno“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.”
Jay Leno“Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!”
Jay Leno“Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.”
Jay Leno“You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.”
Jay Leno“They keep talking about drafting a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys. It's worked for over 200 years, and Hell, we're not using it anymore.”
Jay Leno“As a politician he does everything to keep out of trouble often by not asking questions. However it does bother him that every time the doorbell rings his maid hides in the dryer.”
Jay Leno“You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs.”
Jay Leno“Let me give you an idea how long ago they got married. You know where they met? . . . At a Cubs World Series game.”
Jay Leno“My wife loves Europe but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.”
Jay Leno