“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”
Erma Bombeck“I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.”
Erma Bombeck“I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.”
Erma Bombeck“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”
Erma Bombeck“I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.”
Erma Bombeck“What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?”
Erma Bombeck“Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other. ”
Erma Bombeck“Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.”
Erma Bombeck“Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.”
Erma Bombeck“My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.”
Erma Bombeck“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”
Erma Bombeck