“Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.”
Fred Allen“My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.”
Fred Allen“Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.”
Fred Allen“Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.”
Fred Allen“California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.”
Fred Allen“The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.”
Fred Allen“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen“I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.”
Fred Allen“Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.”
Fred Allen“I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.”
Fred Allen“The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.”
Fred Allen