Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.

Fred Allen
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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

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Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen
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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

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California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

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The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

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I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

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Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

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I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

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The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

Fred Allen
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