“How do you keep a mattress on the roof of your car from flying?” “Yeah, well, I don’t know how many people know it, but a lot of people have learned that putting your arm up there to hold the mattress is not going to work.”

“How do you keep a mattress on the roof of your car from flying?” “Yeah, well, I don’t know how many people know it, but a lot of people have learned that putting your arm up there to hold the mattress is not going to work.”

“Two passing jetliners reported to controllers they’d seen a man with a gun seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet…”

“It turns out that we’re not the only ones who go out on a scientific limb as we discuss or attempt to discuss cars, car repairs and scientific education in America today.”

“Hello and welcome to this collection of calls put together specifically to embarrass the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Now you’ll hear us tackle the very pillars of science: physics, chemistry, fluid dynamics and, of course, cream rinse.”

“The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the bowels of which there are five: a, e, i, o, u.”