“I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.”

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.”

“Predictions are preposterous.”

“I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.”

“It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.”

“Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .”

“You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat.”

“Right now I have enough money to last me the rest of my life - unless I buy something.”