“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”

“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”

“If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

“Gags die, humor doesn't.”

“I really don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”

“I don't deserve this but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”

“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce murder yes but divorce never.”

“I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with Prudential. All I can say is: When I go they go!”

“I don't deserve this award but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”

“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.”

“If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage.”