“I know my kids will be incredible, just not as great as me.”

“Polarization breeds respect.”

“Not caring is absolute freedom, and if you own it, all the way, it emits supreme confidence.”

“If I seem better than you, you like me more. If you feel you have no chance with me, you like me more.”

“Fame had kept me from getting laid that night. Fame would make it so other people would bother me, follow me around with cameras, be all up in my shit, keep me from doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Fame could even potentially kill me. It killed a lot of people: John Lennon, Princess Diana, Selena.”

“There’s a reason why the Super Bowl is watched way more than the NBA Finals and World Series.”

“Worse than getting kicked out of your slot to go on to a winning season is to lead during a losing one. Nobody wants to be king of the losers.”

“The kinds of jobs a fifteen-and-a-half-year-old can get are not worth doing. They pay shit and suck.”

“Short guys with attitudes always just kind of made me laugh, like small, yippy dogs.”

“Being an investment banker is pretty much the perfect job for an all around triple-threat genius, and because I’m doing so well with it, I know I’m actually smarter than certifiable geniuses like Stephen Hawking and Einstein.”

“I make 2+2=5, and I get to keep the remaining 1 that’s not really there. I truly am a Master of the Universe. I don’t just do “God’s work,” as our CEO once put it, it’s more like I’ve actually become a god myself.”