“I love my wife dearly, and, therefore, I've never cooked a meal, romantic or otherwise, for her.”

“I love my wife dearly, and, therefore, I've never cooked a meal, romantic or otherwise, for her.”

“I don't think my kids have to worry too much about me embarrassing them because that's not how I would want to grow up, with wacky dad showing up at school and performing for everyone.”

“I love my wife dearly, and, therefore, I've never cooked a meal, romantic or otherwise, for her.”

“When someone is good, but it doesn't seem like their world will collapse if they don't get the part, it's more appealing. It's like dating someone: You don't want someone who's too into you.”

“Sending a handwritten letter is becoming such an anomaly. It's disappearing. My mom is the only one who still writes me letters. And there's something visceral about opening a letter - I see her on the page. I see her in her handwriting.”

“Reading a book, watching a movie, going to a play, it's transporting, and very, very exciting. And to be a part of that, creating things with your imagination, whoa.”

“You know, what's funny to one person is not at all to someone else.”

“People say, 'What's the secret to a marriage?' There's no secret - I think you get lucky.”

“From cheesecake on a stick to meat skewers to deep-fried bananas on a stick - there are no plates anymore. In Los Angeles, everything has become a corn dog. Actually, corn dogs still work. But most other food should be stickless.”

“The best food is in Chicago. There are great restaurants everywhere, from fancy places to burger joints.”

“In an enclosed space, a camel's breath can change the atmosphere of the room. Not only just the smell, they literally seem to change the atmospheric pressure. It's so disgusting. It's like they have eight stomachs each more rancid then the next and it just comes out of their mouth.”