“I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.”

“No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We're designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory.”

“The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.”

“We're constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We're finding it where we didn't think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We're finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we're having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what's possible on this planet alone.”

“I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them - the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible.”

“As a longtime practitioner of yoga and a person who's been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching. The only way you can say that it's stretching is if you haven't done it, or that you haven't done it rigorously for a long period of time.”

“I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.”

“If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.”

“It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.”

“That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.”

“Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.”