“I think there's a little confusion between humor and 'gross' passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable, because they aren't the same thing.”

“People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that.”

“This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.”

“Funny is funny is funny.”

“You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.”

“I wasn't the class clown. I wasn't that obvious. There would be a circle of guys, and they're watching the class clown. And I'm standing in the back, and I turn to the guy next to me and I say something funny to him, and he starts to laugh. And the guy next to him says, 'What did he say?'”

“I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.”

“If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage.”

“I am one of the great wasters of time. I have made it an art form. I can get up at 8 o'clock in the morning, be out of the house by 8:30 and back by 5 P.M., and I'll be going all day long and accomplish absolutely nothing. It's an amazing talent.”

“I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time!”

“Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, 'Why is that person staring at me?'”