“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”

“When has a civilian ever stopped a mass shooting with an AR-15? An AR-15 is a perfect weapon for mass murderers -- not so much for self-defense. Would you bring an AR-15 along on a date? To your place of work? To the movies? If not, how can owning an AR-15 save your life in the event of a mass shooting? Why does the NRA keep telling us we need semi-automatic rifles for self-defense? Whose side are they really on?”

“If a person has no conscience, it's called being a sociopath. If a corporation has no conscience, it's called capitalism.”

“If Heaven actually exists, I don't need anyone to be my real estate broker. After all, what is religion but an attempt to sell you a share in the ultimate gated community?”

“God doesn't send atheists to Hell -- there's no room with all the Christians down there.”

“Tolerance is NOT acceptance. And that's the problem with ALL religion. It teaches acceptance only for those who believe exactly as you do, and at best, tolerance for the rest of us "sinners." Sorry. Not acceptable.”

“99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.”

“Just a thought for all you God-fearin', gun-lovin', Bible-thumpin' 2nd Amendment patriots. If it turns out Heaven's a gun-free zone, what's plan B???”

“God might not be dead, but he's sure as hell missing in action.”

“Lately the muse has been treating me like Ike treated Tina.”

“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”