“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
Groucho Marx“The only real laughter comes from despair.”
Groucho Marx, The Groucho Letters“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”
Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
Groucho Marx, Groucho and Me“In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.”
Groucho Marx“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”
Groucho Marx“All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.”
Groucho Marx“Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.”
Groucho Marx“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Groucho Marx“I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”
Groucho Marx“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
Groucho Marx