“If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign.”

“A really well-done first draft of a book bares your soul. The purpose of revision is so that everyone who reads the published version believes you were writing about theirs.”

“That's the thing about time travel — you're always moving forward, even when you go back.”

“Simple,' Tummeler replied.' Blueberries is one of the great forces o'good in the world.' How do you figure that?' said Charles. Well,' said Tummeler, 'have you ever seen a troll, or a Wendigo, or,' he shuddered, 'a Shadow-Born ever eating a blueberry pie?' No,' Charles admitted. There y'go,' said Tummeler. It's cause they can't stand the goodness in it.' Can't argue with you there,' said Charles. Foods is good and evil, just like people, or badgers, or even scowlers.' Evil food?' said Charles. Parsnips,' said Tummeler, 'Them's as evil as they come.”

“The single biggest advantage of being completely surrounded is that it gives you the opportunity to attack the enemy in any direction you choose.”

“Don't ascribe to evil what can be attributed to well-intentioned stupidity.”

“I'm a conundrum. Or an enigma. I forget which.”

“Not many people can lay claim to having broken Time, and we did it purely by accident.”

“All stories are true. But some of them never happened.”

“Just because I'm a murdering, thieving, cowardly, traitorous sort doesn't mean I can't do my job properly.”

“If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign.”