“If it looks like a cat, walks like a cat, and has whiskers like a cat, it's probably a damn cat. But if it eats your groceries, messes up your kitchen, and makes you want to rip out your hair by the roots, you either married it or gave birth to it”

“Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.”

“Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.”

“There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.”

“In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.”

“There is no feature as attractive as a well exercised intellect.”

“Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.”

“In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.”

“It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.”

“It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.”

“Love is like skydiving without a parachute.”