“I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.”

“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”

“The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.”

“Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating the mind is like a car battery - it recharges by running. ”

“Mothers are the necessity of invention.”

“If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.”

“I won't eat any cereal that doesn't turn the milk purple.”

“Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?”

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”

“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.”