“I'm nothing, not a single thing. The only particle I had, the only tiny thing raising me up, is that I was Ed Slaterton's girlfriend, loved by you for like ten secs, and who cares, so what, and not anymore so how embarrassing for me.”
Daniel Handler“I write longhand on legal pads, about half at home and half in cafes. I drink a lot of water and eat a lot of raw carrots.”
Daniel Handler“I write every day weekdays for about 5 hours, mostly longhand on legal pads. It has gotten neither harder nor easier, sadly or happily.”
Daniel Handler“I like to give people novels I think they would like, on no particular occasion - just when we're in a bookstore together. I like to receive reference books on my birthday.”
Daniel Handler“You know I want to be a directos, but you could never truly see the movies in my head and that, Ed, is why we broke up.”
Daniel Handler“I'm not a believer in predetermined fates, being rewarded for one's efforts. I'm not a believer in karma. The reason why I try to be a good person is because I think it's the right thing to do. If I commit fewer bad acts there will be fewer bad acts, maybe other people will join in committing fewer bad acts, and in time there will be fewer and fewer of them.”
Daniel Handler“A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.”
Daniel Handler“The movie was kickass, which was appropriate, because tonight it was called Kickass: The Movie.”
Daniel Handler, Adverbs“I know you can't see it, not you, Ed, but maybe if I tell you the whole plot you'll understand it this once, because even now I want you to see it. I don't love you anymore, of course I don't, but there's still something I can show you. You know I want to be a director, but you never truly see the movies in my head and that, Ed, is why we broke up.”
Daniel Handler, Why We Broke Up“And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.”
Daniel Handler, Why We Broke Up“Phil Needle stood in the parking lot, suddenly grasping that this was so, that nothing is lost in a world utterly mapped, that nothing is rogue with everything cross-pollinated, as the shouts on the beach lured him across the street to the sand.”
Daniel Handler, We Are Pirates