“It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.”
Rita Rudner“To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'”
Rita Rudner“My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.”
Rita Rudner“Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'”
Rita Rudner“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
Rita Rudner“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
Rita Rudner“In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.”
Rita Rudner“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
Rita Rudner“I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.”
Rita Rudner“It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner