“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
Rodney Dangerfield“When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back”
Rodney Dangerfield“A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.”
Rodney Dangerfield“The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.”
Rodney Dangerfield“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”
Rodney Dangerfield“I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.”
Rodney Dangerfield“My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.”
Rodney Dangerfield“My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.”
Rodney Dangerfield“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
Rodney Dangerfield“We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”
Rodney Dangerfield“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”
Rodney Dangerfield