“Jealousy is the worst trait in any person.”

“When I was a teenager, I was an umpire for a competitive league for 8- to 9-year-olds. I was really bad at it because I didn't know all the rules, and all these kids were better athletes than me. I made a bad call, and this dad snapped on me. Then he dumped his trash from his cooler, and I had to kick him out of the stands.”

“Jealousy is the worst trait in any person.”

“I did telemarketing for years, starting at the age of 16, just selling steak knives to old people. Old people go through a weird amount of steak knives. I also sold straight meat over the telephone.”

“My parents are very cool and wildly supportive - maybe almost too much. I want to tell them to chill out.”

“I still haven't found the humor in getting hit by a cement truck. My knees still hurt when I think about it, so no jokes about that yet.”