“Marriage is a mistake every man should make.”

“Marriage is a mistake every man should make.”

“Marriage is a mistake every man should make.”

“A toastmaster is a man who eats a meal he doesn't want so he can get up and tell a lot of stories he doesn't remember to people who've already heard them.”

“On how to become a good speaker: Practice all the time. One of the best ways is to put a bunch of marbles in your mouth while you talk. Slowly but surely you take away a marble. And then when you've lost all your marbles you're a public speaker.”

“My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.”