“Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.”

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

“You scoundrel, you have wronged me," hissed the philosopher, "May you live forever!”

“To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.”

“Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.”

“Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.”

“Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.”

“Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.”

“When you doubt, abstain.”

“Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.”

“Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.”