My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

Alan King
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

Alan King
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

Alan King
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Alan King
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Alan King
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

Alan King
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My wife is a very attractive woman, and she's always worried about her diet. But she doesn't pay attention to me, and I don't pay attention to her. She's a vegetarian, and it drives me crazy.

Alan King
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I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb chops 26 nights in a row. Then I took over. I used to mind her not caring about food, but no more - as long as I can eat what I want.

Alan King
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

Alan King
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'

Alan King
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Alan King
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