“My only companion from the outside world during nineteen years of isolation has been my personal hatred of Thursday Next. It's kind of like the old me suddenly taking over, and I promised myself that this was how I would act if I ever saw you.' 'I have the same thing, but with Tom Stoppard,' I said. 'You'd kill Tom Stoppard?' 'Not at all. I promised myself many years ago that I would throw myself at his feet and scream "I'm not worthy!" if I ever met him, so now if we're ever at the same party or something, I have to be at pains to avoid him. It would be undignified, you see—for him and for me.”

“Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.”

“I hope that in my books there's an undertone of politics, basic tenets of how we should live.”

“So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It's an interesting mix.”

“Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners ...”

“You’re talking about gold and silver, cash and securities. I’m talking about the sheer beauty of the land, the value of unpolluted parkland made wild and staying wild forever.”

“Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners”

“Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs.”

“I am boring, but I'm ok with it. I'm the anchor, the shoulder...I'm an average man...with a truly extraordinary wife”

“You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?""If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.”

“The only way to write is to write. Writers write. And when they’ve written, they write some more.”