“No one will ever write a horror novel as scary as reading about my symptoms on WebMD.”

“No one will ever write a horror novel as scary as reading about my symptoms on WebMD.”

“I don't believe in ONE holy book. I believe all books are holy. Of course, some books are holy shit.”

“I alternate between feeling sympathetic toward humanity and being a misanthrope. When I'm sympathetic, it usually means I haven't been around people in awhile.”