“R.I.P. Jerry LewisYou made us laugh in life. Now you have a chance to make God and all of his angels laugh too.Take care and I shall see you in the next life.”

“Spermicide' sort of rhymes with 'pesticide', yet you wouldn't put a load of DDT in you know where to kill you know what, now would you?”

“A rumbling volcano is like a pimple.You know that they're both going to explode,but you just don't know when.”

“Politicians will always be honest.To themselves!”

“It's okay to remember, but it's also okay to forget too.”

“Life is a prison in which we find ourselves.”

“In the end it was worth it.”

“When you run with the bulls,it's no use walking.”

“When we run away from something. We're usually running away from ourselves.”

“Drink from the cup of life, you will be fulfilled.Yet...drink from the milk container in the fridge,and your wife will make you wish that you had drunk from the cup of life.”

“Meetings! Meetings! Meetings!Do they ever achieve anything or do they just let a lot of hot air out of an already over inflated balloon?”