“Some people say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. In actuality, you have to make an incision through his skin, both dermis and epidermis, then carefully sever and separate the sternum. Only upon viewing the exposed thoracic cavity can you reach the heart--if indeed the male of the species actually possesses such an organ.”

“Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.”

“Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls.”

“There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute.”

“In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life.”

“There is no feature as attractive as a well exercised intellect.”

“Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.”

“In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.”

“It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.”

“It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.”

“Love is like skydiving without a parachute.”