“The best time to do anything, get drunk, surf, run, take a walk, gamble, make love, get high, watch a movie, read a book, is on a Monday, when everyone else is at work, as their depression will heighten your celebration, of not being them.”

“There is some kind of elegant gentleness to Paris that I don't quite understand yet.”

“Those who hate lawyers, have either hired the wrong one and lost, represented themselves and lost, or had such a bad case that no lawyer could win it.”

“Politicians are people who learn not to blink, when they lie.”

“Anyone who craves an afterlife has not lived their life to the fullest.”

“When you are gambling, though you probably do not know it, your mind is on the tide, the ebb and flow of the Universe, and there is no way to fight it. Going with the flow is the only option, so there is no point in struggling against it, but, it will tell you how you sit with God, or the Universe, at that particular time in your life.”

“When considering female human beings, we should ask ourselves what kind of organisms become overjoyed when presented with decapitated plants as gifts? I suppose we should consider ourselves fortunate they do not become overjoyed when presented with decapitated animals as gifts.”

“If I only drink beer, nothing stronger, then by the end of the night I can generally recognize myself as a reasonable human being, and more importantly, wake up that way.”

“Day zero, the disaster, the serious shock, the near self-destruction.Day two, the suffering, the repentance, the depression, and the promises.Day three, the recovery, the wall, some light, and the joy.Day four, the strength, the resolution, the celebration, and the plan.Day five, exercise to purify and strengthen, the first twinge, small and beaten.Day six, many twinges, major twinges, the doubt, the questions, the boredom, the resentment, and the wall begins to crumble.Day seven, off to buy booze.”

“I was born with a broken key in my mouth.”

“It’s relatively easy to act nice and normal in front of a crowd, or in public. The tricky part is doing it in private.”