“The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.”

“Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous.”

“I hope that in my books there's an undertone of politics, basic tenets of how we should live.”

“So my humor, I'd say, comes from a mixture of lowbrow comedy shows and highbrow theater. It's an interesting mix.”

“Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners ...”

“You’re talking about gold and silver, cash and securities. I’m talking about the sheer beauty of the land, the value of unpolluted parkland made wild and staying wild forever.”

“Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners”

“Sometimes I wonder if the human race isn't collectively as mad as a sack of door knobs.”

“I am boring, but I'm ok with it. I'm the anchor, the shoulder...I'm an average man...with a truly extraordinary wife”

“You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?""If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.”

“The only way to write is to write. Writers write. And when they’ve written, they write some more.”