“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
“With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, 'Joan, wake up, it's all over and you're looking pretty'.”
Joan Rivers“I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come up to me today, 'Your father helped my mother die.' You know what I'm saying? He made her laugh 'til she died. My father was always very funny.”
Joan Rivers“I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'”
Joan Rivers“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.”
Joan Rivers“I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're working with, when the chips are down, it's all about business.”
Joan Rivers“Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.”
Joan Rivers“Never floss with a stranger.”
Joan Rivers“Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.”
Joan Rivers“Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube.”
Joan Rivers“The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.”
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