“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”

“An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.”

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

“People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.”

“Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.”

“We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.”

“You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.”

“Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.”

“America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.”

“The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.”

“Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”