“There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.”

“I rant, therefore I am.”

“Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.”

“Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.”

“The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.”

“Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.”

“There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.”

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.”

“And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow”