“Thomas Jefferson once said: 'Of course the people don't want war. But the people can be brought to the bidding of their leader. All you have to do is tell them they're being attacked and denounce the pacifists for somehow a lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.' I think that was Jefferson. Oh wait. That was Hermann Goering. Shoot."[Hosting the Peabody Awards for broadcasting excellence at the New York Waldorf-Astoria, June 6, 2006]”

“As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical gesturing as the primary means of communication for all human beings except Italians. (Earth (The Book), p. 36)”

“The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him.”

“You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.”

“[Hearing] was distinct from listening, which could only be achieved when hearing was combined with giving a shit.”

“If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.”

“When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?”

“The bias of the mainstream media is toward sensationalism, conflict, and laziness.”

“Those fighting to be included in the ideal of equality are not divisive.Those fighting to keep those people out - are.”

“If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you have no regime.”

“Free time is death to the anxious, and thank goodness I don't have any of it right now.”