Chuck Quotes

“Just deleting vandalism on the Chuck Norris page," Radar said. "For instance, while I do think that Chuck Norris specializes in the roundhouse kick, I don't think it's accurate to say, 'Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, but unfortunately he has never cried.”

“It's amazing because people come up to me and say, 'Chuck, you're the luckiest guy in the world to be a world karate champion and a movie and TV star.' When they say this to me, I kind of smile because luck had nothing to do with it; God had everything to do with it.”

“As I travel the world, it seems that younger people identify me merely with some of the folklore in the 'Chuck Norris Facts' - those hyperbolic sayings that elevate my abilities beyond my capabilities. Others view me in light of the character I played in 'Walker, Texas Ranger' or in one of my 20 tough-guy films.”

“Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.”

“Chuck Norris can divide by zero.”

“When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.”

“He finally pulled it all back into his heart, sucking in the painful tide of his misery. In the Glade, Chuck had become a symbol for him—a beacon that somehow they could make everything right again in the world. Sleep in beds. Get kissed goodnight. Have bacon and eggs for breakfast, go to a real school. Be happy.But now Chuck was gone. And his limp body, to which Thomas still clung, seemed a cold talisman—that not only would those dreams of a hopeful future never come to pass, but that life had never been that way in the first place. That even in escape, dreary days lay ahead. A life of sorrow.His returning memories were sketchy at best. But not much good floated in the muck.Thomas reeled in the pain, locked it somewhere deep inside him. He did it for Teresa. For Newt and Minho. Whatever darkness awaited them, they’d be together, and that was all that mattered right then.”

“For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.”

“Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.”

“Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.”