Seinfeld Quotes

“I think you should know that real-life white people are not all as funny as the ones on 'Seinfeld'.”

“I personally have dealt with any adversity in my life with humor. That's why I told America to 'Read my hips!' on 'Dancing With the Stars' or was happy to play along with Jason Alexander and Jerry Seinfeld in the great restaurant scene on 'Seinfeld.'”

“Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.”

“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”

“To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.”

“Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers.”

“I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.”

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”

“Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.”