Springer Quotes

“I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.”

“From Chapter 11 "Rainy Day Puppy" ("The Missing Tulip Bulbs"): The next few days were hard on the family. It rained. It was cold. Winter had returned. The puppy grew and gained energy equal to a neutron bomb. He bounced and chewed and barked.Everyone was exhausted, except for the puppy. -”

“We can't just have mainstream behavior on television in a free society, we have to make sure we see the whole panorama of human behavior.”

“I treat politics kind of like my religion. It's something I believe in, but I don't want to have to make a living at it, because if you make a living at it, you somehow become dishonest.”

“If there's a God why are there such things as famine and The Jerry Springer Show.”

“Who was I to meddle in people’s love lives? Mine was a mess. My heartwanted the one thing it wasn’t allowed to have — love with someone besides mycupid-appointed soul mate. I was so screwed up, I made the dysfunctionalrelationships on Jerry Springer look wholesome.”

“>>How old were you when you had your first kiss?>>Twenty. It's pathetic. Guys don't want to kiss fat girls. >>Not true. There are all those guys on jerry springer, and there's president Clinton... >>Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl. >>I'll bet you never gave anyone a chance. Mitch says you practically beat him away with a stick.>>I was trying to spare him.”

“I think one of the sweetest proofs we have of the Father's loving care for us is that we often find in this life the things which gave us great happiness below.”

“Every gentle word, every generous thought, every unselfish deed, will become a pillar of eternal beauty in the life to come.”

“Why have we books in heaven?""Why not?" asked my brother. "What strange ideas we mortals have of the pleasures and duties of this blessed life!...”