“Well, if that’s what you call being at peace, for heaven’s sake just warn me before you go to war, will you?”

“Intellectually I know that America is no better than any other country emotionally I know she is better than every other country. ”

“What is love? It is the morning and the evening star.”

“Whatever poet, orator or sage may say of it, old age is still old age.”

“There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble.”

“When audiences come to see us authors lecture, it is largely in the hope that we'll be funnier to look at than to read.”

“People will buy anything that is 'one to a customer.'”

“People will buy anything that's one to a customer.”

“Winter is not a season, it's an occupation.”

“Thus Carol hit upon the tragedy of old age, which is not that it is less vigorous than youth, but that it is not needed by youth...”

“Babbit was an average father. He was affectionate, bullying, opinionated, ignorant, and rather wistful. Like most parents he enjoyed the game of waiting till the victim was clearly wrong, then virtuously pouncing.”