“- What do you expect? Think we were sent into the world to have a soft time and what is it? Float on flowery beds of ease? Think Man was just made to be happy?- Why not? Though I've never discovered anybody that knew what the deuce Man really was made for”

“Intellectually I know that America is no better than any other country emotionally I know she is better than every other country. ”

“What is love? It is the morning and the evening star.”

“Whatever poet, orator or sage may say of it, old age is still old age.”

“There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble.”

“When audiences come to see us authors lecture, it is largely in the hope that we'll be funnier to look at than to read.”

“People will buy anything that is 'one to a customer.'”

“People will buy anything that's one to a customer.”

“Winter is not a season, it's an occupation.”

“Thus Carol hit upon the tragedy of old age, which is not that it is less vigorous than youth, but that it is not needed by youth...”

“Babbit was an average father. He was affectionate, bullying, opinionated, ignorant, and rather wistful. Like most parents he enjoyed the game of waiting till the victim was clearly wrong, then virtuously pouncing.”