“Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

“Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”

“When I was in college, I really liked poetry. I don't read much anymore.”

“I think I meant that, given the circumstances of my childhood, I had the illusion that it's easier to be alone. To have your relationships be casual and also to pose as a solitary person, because it was more romantic. You know, I was raised on the idea of the ramblin' man and the loner.”

“What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”

“Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.”

“Movies always are open to being remade because times change so much, and the tempo of movies changes. I think of it like a James Bond. They can have different actors play the same role... I've had people come up to me and say, 'We want to remake 'The Jerk' with so and so.' And I say, 'Fine.' It just doesn't bother me. It's an honor actually.”

“You know what your problem is, it's that you haven't seen enough movies - all of life's riddles are answered in the movies.”

“I've always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they're just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.”

“I did stand-up comedy for 18 years. Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success. I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct. The course was more plodding than heroic.”

“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”