“You should totally get implants," she said admiringly in the mirror. I shake my head. "I don't yet know what I'm going to do with my life, Diane. But I'm hoping being shaped like a barbell could only be a hindrance.”

“We 'chicks' have munched our popcorn while romantic comedies became just comedies, and then each female protagonist got recast for Matthew McConaughey or Seth Rogan.”

“My writing partner, Nicki, and I became obsessed with a monologist who performs unscripted shows equipped with nothing more than scribbled bullet points and a glass of water. We wrote him a fan letter and found ourselves sharing lunch and eventually a friendship.”

“As a rule, I try to steer clear of opinions pertaining to your parenting. I assume you're doing the best you can, and God bless.”

“You should totally get implants," she said admiringly in the mirror. I shake my head. "I don't yet know what I'm going to do with my life, Diane. But I'm hoping being shaped like a barbell could only be a hindrance.”

“... keeping her wild-honey-and-chamomile-soaked hair from falling into her oatmeal-and-yogurt face mask”

“Screw sharks a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat me. ”