Phyllis McGinley Quotes

“A mother's hardest to forgive.Life is the fruit she longs to hand youRipe on a plate. And while you live,Relentlessly she understands you.”

“I had never before been a special fan of that great comedian Phyllis Diller, but she utterly won my heart this week by sending me an envelope that, when opened, contained a torn-off square of brown-bag paper of the kind suitable for latrine duty in an ill-run correctional facility. Duly unfurled, it carried a handwritten salutation reading as follows:Money's scarceTimes are hardHere's your f******I could not possibly improve on the sentiment, but I don't think it ought to depend on the current austerities. Isn't Christmas a moral and aesthetic nightmare whether or not the days are prosperous?”

“The United States is a giant island of freedom, achievement, wealth and prosperity in a world hostile to our values.”

“For her fifth wedding, the bride wore black and carried a scotch and soda.”

“Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.”

“Sisters are always drying their hair. Locked into rooms, alone, they pose at the mirror, shoulders bare, trying this way and that their hair, or fly importunate down the stair to answer the telephone.”

“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.”

“Of one thing I am certain, the body is not the measure of healing, peace is the measure.”

“There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.”

“Our public school system is our country's biggest and most inefficient monopoly, yet it keeps demanding more and more money.”