“Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done they've seen it done every day but they're unable to do it themselves.”

“The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.”

“The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.”

“Every man, through fear, mugs his aspirations a dozen times a day.”

“I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.”

“I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.”

“When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.”

“A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.”

“It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.”

“If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.”

“What the hell difference does it make left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.”