“For him any wine dated before four o'clock in the afternoon is vintage.”

“He must really be a big success - even his mother-in-law admits it.”

“You can easily tell he's a newlywed because he's still smiling at his mother-in-law.”

“The only way she could get a standing ovation would be if she sang "The Star-Spangled Banner."”

“She is such a health food nut she thinks a grape is wine in pill form.”

“Let's toast a real wine expert - someone who knows a good rose goes best with bologna sandwiches.”

“For him any wine dated before four o'clock in the afternoon is vintage.”

“She claims she just turned thirty but it must have been a U-turn!”

“He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.”